Letter to my beloved Papa.

Its been 5 years since he left me, I didn’t cry at his funeral but for these past 5 years I couldn’t help but cry everytime I miss him..
I still can’t stop the tears. No matter how hard I try not to cry.
I still silently weep in the middle of the night, so none of my family member see me.

Been 5 years and yet every funeral still reminds me of him.

Do you know if you miss someone who already passed away that means that someone miss you?

I’m flattered Pa. I miss you too. Always.

A broadcast message tells a story about how Dad shows his careness toward his daughter.
When I read that, it reminds me of you, if only you still around.

My cousin wrote a note about how you had affected his life.

You affected almost every people you met during your lifetime.
Because of your pure heart, your honesty, your tender-hearted attitude, your endless loyalti.

You are my biggest inspiration. My favorite role model. I still want to be you when I grow up.

Pa, how are you these days?
How long till we reunite?

Do you see me now?
I’m 17 years old.
I’ll soon graduate from the best senior high school in Jakarta.
Are you proud that I got into the best high school?
I’ve been to USA too. As an exchange student.
Second family member who went to USA. Are you proud?
later, I’ll take Mama, Kak Mita and Kak Vika with me to USA. With my own money.
Papa I’m gonna be a college student soon, I’ll be a student of the best university in Indonesia.
wish me luck, are you gonna be proud?

I’ll show them all that I’m gonna be as great as you. I’ll show them that I’m as smart as you.

Oh, do you know that I still weeping when I heard Luther Vandross’s Dance with my Father?
Isn’t it lame?
I cried too when I heard Eric Clapton’s Tears in Heaven.

A year ago, I wrote this kind of stuff too. At that current time, I was lost, I’m struggling in Utah.

I’m struggling too now.
Will I get it Pa? Hubungan Internasional UI?
Isn’t it too much to ask?

I don’t want to fail.
I want to make you and Mama proud.
I have to be “something”
I have to be “something” like you.

Wish me luck ya Papa.

PS : take care and see you soon.
I miss you, always.

<3. Your daughter.

"I don't know how to exist in a world where my dad doesn't "

George O' Malley.

Laid-back Doer

Laid-back Doers are friendly, happy persons. They enjoy being together with other people. Smart, eloquent, witty and charming, they like to be the centre of attraction. They do not like to be alone. Their zest for life ensures that others feel well in their company and that they quickly get to know people. Laid-back Doers get the best out of every moment – many people of this type have a gift for making their whole life one big party. Boredom is unknown in their presence because they are very good at carrying others away with their enthusiasm, their good mood and their optimism.
Abstract thinking and profound philosophising about the meaning of life appeal less to Laid-back Doers. They are pragmatic, realistic and live completely in the here and now. At work too, they prefer it when it’s all go and they can act out their purposeful manner to the full. They have no problem handling several tasks at once and they blossom out in crisis situations! A varied field of activity with a lot of social contacts is just the right thing for them. One will also seldom find them inactive in their spare time; due to their open, curious nature, they mostly have many hobbies and interests. They are not afraid of the unknown: as they are flexible and creative, they quickly adjust to new situations and make the best of them. They sometimes come into conflict with strict rules or hierarchies by which they quickly feel constrained and against which they rebel.

As friends, Laid-back Doers are generous, helpful persons who attach great importance to harmonious relationships and a good atmosphere. Their sociable manner means that they have a large circle of friends and they love having the house full of many different types of guests. They are happy to give in to their spontaneous moods and fancies in the just one or two important things. This makes them appear somewhat unpredictable to those with a quieter nature. When it really matters, you can rely on them one hundred percent. As partners, they are creative, impetuous and imaginative – as long as their partner knows how to fascinate them. They can hardly stand boredom or routine in a relationship. They do not like conflicts at all; if a relationship becomes too strenuous or involves too much effort, they tend to withdraw from the partnership and start to look for a new partner. However, if one manages to keep their curiosity alive in the long term and surprise them again and again, one has a loyal and loving partner.

Adjectives which describe your type: extroverted, practical, emotional, spontaneous, enthusiastic, friendly, playful, lively, talkative, nonchalant, tolerant, happy, pleasant, generous, flexible, wily, attractive, relationship-oriented, generous, adventurous, fun-loving, creative, helpful, action-loving, casual, sociable, open, sensitive, touchy, erratic, curious, noncommittal, action-loving

Check yours here.

still one of my biggest dream

I love to read book. It’s the biggest satisfaction, the recreation I would choose. Instead of watching Movies or TVs , instead of playing Video Games.

I grew up surrounded with  books. When little kids normally play outside and enjoy the sun or when teenagers normally go to mall on weekends and hangout, I choose to drowned myself in a book stack. Reading.

Semua orang baca buku Sitta Karina, Raditya Dika, Dee, dll.
Novel novel Indonesia.
Gue engga.

I’m uber jealous with those Indonesian writers.
Gue iri kenapa gue gak bisa nulis buku kayak gitu.
Iri kenapa imajinasi gue gak bisa seperti itu.
padahal gue suka banget banget banget nulis dan baca buku.
Why cant I come up with a great and astounding story

I certainly cant write something like Raditya Dika.
I’m not funny.
I dont write funny stuff.

I want to be a writer.

I want to write a book.

Buku yang sangat real, yang membuat orang orang bener bener terconnect sama karakternya.
But how can I come up with one strong character when me myself do not have a strong character?

A year ago I was a productive writer.
Why cant I be productive now?

Maybe I have to live abroad once more. That way I have more time observing(not stalking,observing), and thinking, and writing.

I want to be a writer. A cool one like Chuck P kalo bisa.

social

minority is always stronger than majority, because the minority is generally formed by those who really have an opinion, while the strength of a majority is illusory, formed by the gangs who have no opinion.

These are the future student of the best university in Indonesia.

Birthday girl nih . Erika ujang Saraswati. Bibirnya sexy umurnya 17 tahun tanggal 25 November kemaren. Cie.

Di iket kayak kambing. Ya panteslah buat tukang bully kayak die

Yeh dasar anak kambing. JB aja orang lagi foto juga.

I’ve been feeling happy this past two days.Been feeling so ‘high school’.
Thanks to :

But, still, without the presence of these following people down there, I still feel like there’s a missing puzzle. I’m a puzzle with a perfect condition, but not-so-perfect pieces, there’s one piece of puzzle missing, and without that one piece, I’m a different person.

It’s like I’m a computer program. I was installed succesfuly, but there’s one missing part of the installation. So my program arent running perfectly.

 

dystopia

Dystopia is the vision of a society in which conditions of life are miserable and characterized by poverty, oppression, war, violence, disease, pollution, nuclear fallout and/or the abridgement of human rights, resulting in widespread unhappiness, suffering, and other kinds of pain.

I feel  like living in Orwell’s book. Living in a dystopia world. A bad and scary future.

The government are nothing but a bunch of scumbags and jerks.

People have to pay a lot for something called ‘good education’

The rich getting richer and the poor getting more poor and ended up dying in tragedy.

The mass media talks nothing but bullshit.

The people are overly consumptive. Those who fight for the right are being judged wrong.

And those who are wrong, are being praised.

World are full of conspiracies.

People aren’t afraid of God anymore. They’re all living their life as if they live forever.

And what scare me the most is the young generation. A lot of them don’t even care about whats going on with the country.  Aren’t the young generation suppose to be the one who’ll take care of the country ? because someday the young generation will take over and I want the young generation to lead the life back into Utopia.

bye bye blackbird

I lost my cellphone. just barely.I dont know what the hell is wrong with me, I know I’m unbelieveably reckless but this is just wrong, its more like a curse that given to me, I lost half of the stuff I own. I still have my iPod and my 6233 cellphone, both of that stuff arent lost, the cellphone is broken and thankfully the iPod still working very well.

Its a brand new cellphone, have it for not more than 2 months.Its the cellphone I’ve always wanted.I’m a hardcore internet user, my life revolves around google and friends, that cellphone provide me almost everything I need, its like life is in my hand but then some heartless idiotic people took it away from me. I’m crushed. But because I’m so used to having my stuff gone, I handle it like theres nothing happen. But then at some quiet time, I would think about how stupid it is, how I keep losing all my freakin stuff, it makes me mad, its a waste of money.

Well, I guess, God will keep punishing me because He cares so much about me. Thats one thing that makes me happy. Bye bye my beautiful Blackberry 8300.Hope whoever takes you away from me will lose his/her house and family in a big sadistic fire.

 

 

one chaotic month

Adieu October, howdy-do November, Theres not a lot to tell. The rollercoaster I’m riding now are moving in a constant speed and track. I had my middle semester test. Floundered. I had my third try out. Enlivened. Am I satisfy yet? No. I need at least 16% more to meet the prerequisite of International Relations major. In order to do that. I need my Geography, History, and English score to be flawless. I’ve a promise with Anggi. Being in Law faculty is our last option. Anggi will be a student of Economics Faculty. Majoring in Accounting. I will be a student of Social Politics Faculty. Majoring in International Relations. University of Indonesia. I watched the Ting Tings. Spent quite a lot but its worthed the show. Katie white is uber sexy, and so does Jack. Tortured Soul’s keyboardist looks like Adam Brody. I received my middle semester report card. My mouth was hanging open. My score wasn’t that bad, but I ranked 35 out of 41 student in my class. I know that I said I didn’t care about my score. But its not about score. Its about dignity, Its in me. My pride is as high as Mount Everest. Butterflies and hurricanes. Revenge will surely come. The final semester test is coming soon.And so does the fourth try out. Way too soon. March is coming soon. 14th March. Discomforting, discouraging, intimidating. Make my blood run cold. Its 4 months away. But to think about it, 4 months is not a lot of time. God bless Social 2010. Yes, we can. Obama said so. November is going to be one chaotic month. 14th November I’ll have my SNMPTN try out. 22nd November Inten’s try out. Free IELTS test. And Final test on November 30th. One hell of chaotic month. When November ends, December comes. It means 3 months away. And school is not being helpful. And so does the Ministry of Education who announced that the Final Examination of High School is going to be on March 16th. I briefly announce that my theme of this year is PRESSURE.

solitude

“Therefore, dear Sir, love your solitude and try to sing out with the pain it causes you. For those who are near you are far away… and this shows that the space around you is beginning to grow vast…. be happy about your growth, in which of course you can’t take anyone with you, and be gentle with those who stay behind; be confident and calm in front of them and don’t torment them with your doubts and don’t frighten them with your faith or joy, which they wouldn’t be able to comprehend. Seek out some simple and true feeling of what you have in common with them, which doesn’t necessarily have to alter when you yourself change again and again; when you see them, love life in a form that is not your own and be indulgent toward those who are growing old, who are afraid of the aloneness that you trust…. and don’t expect any understanding; but believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.” – Letters to a young poet.

i dont have any idea for the title

This is me trying to write a blog through my cellphone. Well its not that hard, just kinda make my finger a little tremble after that.

———————————–
So they have a fix date for simak ui : 14th march 2010 . Its like only 4 effective months until it reaches simak ui. I’m still scared but in the other hand I’m pretty optimistic about the major I’m gonna take.

Some people think I’m reckless and stupid for not taking a pyschotest. But why the hell I need a psychotest? I know myself well, I know what I’m good at. I might be a teenage, but hell no I’m not labile, I know what I want and I’m gonna get it.

International relations and Law. University of Indonesia. I’m going there. No other choices. Groningen can wait.

—————-
Do you ever realize that we’re very rude and mean to the people that do not fit our requirements of a friend?

Oh I’m not gonna buy shit such as ; I’m friend with everyone. We’re all friends.

BULLSHIT.

Okay. That’s notmy point but here’s what I’m gonna say:

Studi kasus.misalkan
A punya temen, si B, dia itu teenage drama queen, snobbish, unbearably noisy, annoying, dll. Tapi karena B temen A, maka A gak pernah nge bash B. Di matanya B itu baik baik aja.

Terus ada C . C sama menyebalkannya dengan B, tapi C bukan temen A. Dan A setengah mati benci C, mengecam semua yg dikatakan sama C, dan mengejek apapun yg dilakuin sm C.

Padahal sebenernya B dan C sama sama annoying. See?

Gajah di depan mata tidak terlihat. Kutu diseberang lautan keliatan segede gaban.

I’m trying to reduce the amount of my bad words and as well as gossiping. And aimless hatred.

No one’s perfect, and everyonr can say and do whatever they like. If you don’t like it then leave it, its not your business anyway.

I want to mind my own business. I’m living my life not to hate people who don’t even do a single wrong thing to me. That’s what a kid do, I’m not a kid, I’m 17 and I should grow up.

———–

All you need is love? Meh.
Sepertinya semua org haus cinta dan mencari cinta. Super corny.

I have boyfriend and I like him and its because he don’t feed me up with stupid love promise and love sentences. Ew. I’m so gonna kick him if he treats me like that.

Oke sebenernya gue cuma eneg sm org yg lusting after love. Love will find you when you’re ready, don’t look after it. ——-

Rintachos.

I’m in my PMS mood.I feel emotional as usual.Oh and I think I’ve change quite a lot since last year.I was an emotionless person and now..Goddamnit, I hate being like this.By the way, since I don’t really know how to express how am I feeling right now, I’ll post a lyrics that’ll explain it.

Mad World – Gary Jules.

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you ‘Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very Mad World

Children waiting for the day they feel good Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday Made to feel the way that every child should Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous No one knew me, no one knew me Hello teacher tell me what’s my lesson Look right through me, look right through me

Lost in Space – Lighthouse Family.

Sometimes I get tired of this me-first attitude
You are the one thing that keeps me smiling
That’s why I’m always wishing hard for you

‘Cause your light shines so bright
I don’t feel no solitude
You are my first star at night
I’d be lost in space without you

And I’ll never lose my faith in you
How will I ever get to heaven, if I do

Feels just so fine
When we touch the sky me and you
This is my idea of heaven
Why can’t it always be so good?
But it’s all right, I know you’re out there
Doing what you’ve gotta do
You are my soul satellite I’d be lost in space without you
And I’ll never lose my faith in you
How will I ever get to heaven, if I do

I am running in a cirle in this very very mad world, and I’m lost in space without my satellites.

—–

Weak, powerless, and lonely.That’s what I feel, and a lot of emotion that I don’t even know what’s the words to describe it.
I am laughing, but it’s a fake laugh.
I am smiling, but it’s not how I used to smile.
I make jokes, but it’s not the jokes I used to tell.
I talk to you, but it’s not the way I talk.
I am impersonating the real me, and it’s not working so well, honey.

I’m living a monochrome life.I was happier before.

Chos.