“Now I see just what you mean, it hurts too much to breath, all alone in this plastic jungle, Sometimes I wanna get slain, I wanna get slain” – Plastic Jungle by Miike Snow.
Go and try put your head on a closed plastic bag and see what happen, yes, you’re suffocating and it’s hard to breath, you’re lacking an oxygen to help you breath.
I quoted a song from my current favorite band, Miike Snow, they said : I see just what you mean, it hurts too much to breath, all alone in this plastic jungle. Yep, I see just what my class of 2009 friends mean, it is getting harder to breath everyday, not literally but more like metaphorically.Each day taking me closer to UTUL UGM, SIMAK UI, UM UNDIP, UNAIR, whatever whatever, each day taking me closer to a final test, a final test of what I’ve been learning this past 7 months. Anyway, these strangled, asphyxiated feeling it’s not just because of the amount of things I have to learn (which resulting in the lack of time to indulge myself with video games and books and good movies), but also because the amount of money my mom has to spend for it. I already spent almost one million just for the registration, I know my mom wont mind to spend the money because it’s for her youngest daughter’s sake, but DUDE I DO MIND! I CAN USE THAT MONEY TO BUY A HELLUVA LOT OF FOODS AND BOOKS. I really don’t understand how the education thingies work nowadays. When I went to the ATM and paid for these registration, a thought crossed my mind: how about those genius kids who lived under a banana leaf roof, whose parents only make 500 ribu rupiah/month. How are they gonna afford this thing? And that thought saddened me, and kinda like a bitch slap in my face : I should be really really thankful. I might not have my both parents to support my education, but at least my single mom could and would pay for the best education for me, and therefore I should study my ass off to be the best, so I could make a hell lot of money and then buy luxurious stuff for my mom and take her on vacation.
Another thing that strangled me to death is my daily scedhule for now. I have a week packed with courses, I have an intensive course at Inten on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday + private Economics course on Tuesday and Thursday + private Mathematics course on Saturday and Wednesday. Not to mention that I still have to go to school from Monday and Friday, from 6.30 to 15.00. Life’s a cruel bitch lately. I’m restless but taking a rest makes me feel guilty, I can put a baby koala in the circle under my eyes.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Last year, during this time, I was writing about motivational things for my friends, right now, I’m the one who needs to be motivated. I haven’t lose faith in myself yet, but who knows if I fail one of the upcoming test that I’ll take (UGM, UNDIP, or UI), I’ll be depressed as hell because I HAVE DECIDED TO REPEAT MY FETCHIN SENIOR YEAR IN ORDER TO BE SUCCESFUL AND BE MORE PREPARED FOR ALL THESE THINGIES, I DONT KNOW WHAT WILL I DO IF I FAIL, I SIMPLY HAVE NO MORE YEAR TO FAIL, MY TIME HAS COME TO AN END, I HAVE TO BE ACCEPTED IN UI OR UGM. SO WISH ME A LOT LOT LOT LOT OF LUCK.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// I know my blog aren’t exciting anymore since I came back to Jakarta, well guess what? I miss the excitement of a new things too, BOREDOM KILLS.